The Kindness of Strangers

Thanks for the all the get well messages! Especially to one reader, who shall remain anonymous, who was up reading this late last night and texted me straight away to ask how I was feeling. Lovely. The wonder of technology!

I am now avoiding PC5 in my local locutorio, as it takes a good 15 minutes to send any email and hasn't even heard of Facebook. It also regularly signs me out of Bebo, so I generally find there's not even any point on going on it. On PC1 just now (the only other one is 6, no idea what happened to 2, 3, 4 or 7) so fingers crossed. I will also apologise for any mistakes I make that I don't edit out, the keyboard has a will of its own and it's very hard to correct entries once they're published. As for the photo situation... this continues to be a source of frustration for me. I managed to put my pics onto a CD using Arcoiris' PC, but the PC in the locotorio doesn't recognise them. I am now starting to believe that I won't be able to publish any pictures on here until I get home... but if you bear with me, I will do it when I'm back and you can get a rough idea of what it's been like here.

I'm feeling better, anyway, so that's cheered me up. I was in bed by 10 last night and slept right through til 8, which I think has helped me shake off the flueyness a bit. I can't beleive how cold it is, though - I now have 2 blankets and a duvet on my bed. When I first arrived, the heat just about knocked me over as soon as I got out of the airconditioning of the plane. It was technically winter at the time too. The 21st (last Friday) was officially the first day of spring, but somehow it is colder than before. I imagine this is what it will be like in Scotland when I get home, but I would like to make the most of the Southern Hemisphere spring while I can. Not fair!

It was still a trial getting to Arcoiris this morning, though, as my legs felt like lead. I have just about had enough of the 14 bus that is "supposed" to take us there. It comes at indeterminate times and it has the most random bus route. We have never actually managed to get it all the way from Cuca's to the stop outside the home. Either a taxi or a long walk, or both, has ensued. Today was no different. I think tomorrow we may just admit defeat and get a taxi door-to-door. The taxi drivers here are mental, though. And don't get me started on the bus drivers! My arms are getting a great workout holding all my weight as my feet repeatedly get pulled out from under me every time the bus stops or pulls away. They are G-force addicts here.

Inside the home was little better - all the kids spent a lot of time screaming today and sliding repeatedly up and down the floor on their knees. Last night, Jenny, Sile and I bought some toys and games for the kids in a poundstretcher-type shop in town, and we brought some of them along, but attention spans were fairly short and it was hard to keep up. At one point I found myself giving a baby her bottle with my right hand, playing dominoes with a 4 year-old with my left hand and trying to stop a 2-year old running out the front door with the other (...exactly). Multitasker extraordinaire! While all this was going on, a woman was sitting in the room waiting to go into the office for an interview for a job at the home. God knows what she made of it all!

I used to be terrified of babies. It's funny as now they don't bother me (so much!). On Monday I was very pleased with myself that I managed to get Mile (pronounced "Meelay" and short for Milagros, "Miracle") from screaming the house down to sleeping in a smooth 5 minute movement. Achievement! Yesterday Sile and I got roped into feeding Nicole, who just turned 1. It took 2 of us to get the soup in her mouth, although most of it went on all our jumpers. I would be totally rubbish at this if it was my own baby.

Of course, Refugio remains another matter entirely. I continue to be shocked and upset by the stuff I see there. Yesterday and today, the place was filled with thick woodsmoke, and it transpires that the gas has run out so they are burning a wood stove. It doesn't seem to be that efficient, though, as all the smoke was coming out straight into the kitchen. It seemed even worse today, so much so that we couldn't go inside and spent what time we had there outside in the patio. We did manage to take 4 of the boys to the park, including the 2 I shouted at yesterday. I thought we had done well and was pleased at how well they behaved, but they blotted their collective copybook by moaning that they would only enjoy themselves if I went to the shop and bought them some coke. Not a chance. It may sound mean, but if I give in once I 'll get known as a bank rather than a volunteer, and all subsequent volunteers will be subject to the same expectation. It was incredibly hard to say no to kids that clearly have nothing, but it ultimately has to be a case of being cruel to be kind. But kind to who? Me or them?

Later on, we brought out some of the games we had bought for the Refugio kids - more dominoes and some lego. Both proved popular, but I was shocked at how illiterate the kids are. One 8 year-old girl didn't know the numbers 1-9. One wee girl, Maria, has a serious speech impediment and possible learning difficulties. She doesn't say much more than "Tía" ("Miss") all the time, followed by a point at some object. This can be quite wearing, but the dominoes proved a bit hit with her. I'm not sure she got it, but it was really nice for her to be involved in something, as normally she is on the periphery of games that she doesn't understand and that don't involve her.

Later on, I saw something that has really shocked me. I have become used to the women carrying sticks as a deterrent or a punishment, the cockroaches on the walls and in the food, the lights that don't work, the doors hanging off the walls, everything being broken and the kids' clothes in tatters... but this was unbelievable. I walked past the boys' dorm and could hear crying, but couldn't see any of the kids. When I went in I realised it was a baby, lying on her own in the bed. I got closer and realised there was another baby there, with a pillow beside her! I tried to pick up the crying baby and she screamed even harder... I worry about her sanity as I usually see her wandering about crying. The other baby was in serious danger of falling out of the bed. I don't particularly want to write what image it reminded me of, because it's probably unfair of me to put it in this context. What was the most shocking of all this was that these 2 babies are the children of one of the women who works here, who was nowhere to be seen. When I found her, I told her what was happening and she sort of shrugged and carried on with what she was doing. I feel so helpless to help these children, who rely on the kindness of strangers. It's a very sad situation.

There is some mooting of a trip to the bowling tonight. Sounds good to me. I feel that this blog is getting darker and darker in tone, but I'm just writing what I see. Stay with me!